carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
