Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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