Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
