things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Less talking, more tequila
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
