Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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