Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
