the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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