i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
