My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
