My nipple is on Facebook.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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