my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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