i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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