My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
