She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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