I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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