remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
