i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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