I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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