Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
