Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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