Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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