Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
