totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
