Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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