That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
