i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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