i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
