i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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