his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
