I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
why do cheetos always look like penises
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
