If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
