Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
