her vagina looked like bernie madoff
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's always time for handjobs
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
