Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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