I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
