If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
