He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
