i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
