this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
