Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
