need another drink. this is the easiest way
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
