Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm at about main and main street
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
