I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
