i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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