you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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