She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
