I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
