I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
