I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
