It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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