I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
