oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Your dad touched me again.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
