I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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