Farmville is her only friend.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
